So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
