GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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