After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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