You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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