community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
