Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
