are you still at the devil's house?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
