Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
