Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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