It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
