i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
