I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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