i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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