Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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