dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize