Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
