my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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