I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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