in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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