A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
