I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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