Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
