I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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