Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
