morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
