The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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