i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
