her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
