I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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