yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
