hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
