I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
