shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize