dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
