Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
