I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
