Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
