No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
