if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
