I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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