She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
