Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
