I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
