My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
