so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
