Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
