I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
