And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize