Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
