I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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