There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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