is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
