STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
