i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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