Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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