woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
