The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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