I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
