That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
