"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
no, he came in my armpit
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's always time for handjobs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
