Jerry, you need to find god
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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