Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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