It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
