she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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