trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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