There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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