Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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