I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
