I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
