Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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