I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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