ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
