its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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