where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
